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Eyeing a pelvic floor exercise tracker, but not ready to commit to the purchase?

Just go back in time, become a promising actress, land a film role, score an Oscar nomination and reach out to the marketing company putting together a swag bag for this year's nominees including, you guessed it, a pelvic exercise floor tracker.

SEE ALSO:Celebrity conspiracy theory: Marisa Tomei wasn't supposed to win an Oscar

Los Angeles-based marketing firm Distinctive Assets is not in any way affiliated with the Oscars -- in fact, the Academy has sued to put a stop to this nonsense -- and there's no evidence that they're actually distributed to nominees, but that hasn't stopped them from publicizing it every year.

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Items in the very unofficialAcademy Awards gift bag for 2017 total about $100,000 and are as over-the-top as ever. While this year's bag includes a few big-ticket items -- like a three-day stay at a private California mansion -- we're more interested in the stuff that's actually useful. For example:

• A tube of ChapStick

• A personal CPR kit, because you really never know!

• A customized 64-count box of Crayola crayons

• Fancy foot cream

• Underarm patches that protect your shirts from sweat stains

• Multiple cases of apples, in case you really love pie

• Just a bunch of energy bars

• "A Bangarang handmade wooden box filled with 199 cards that have positive actions and quotes," which surely serves some currently unidentifiable purpose

[H/T: Insider]

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