President Trump has a big, beautiful plan to drain the Boy Scout swamp and replace it with something every child will love: yachts.
Trump delivered a speech to the Boy Scouts last night that addressed key themes in Scout history: his electoral victory, the size of his Inauguration crowd and orgies with famous men.
As only an outsider like Trump understands, President Obama somehow magically weakened the Scouts -- and it's time they learned how to be real men like our heel spurred President.
SEE ALSO:This Trump/Scaramucci supercut proves why they call him 'The Mooch'Below is a list of recreational activities President Trump has recommended the Scouts take up if they have any interest in becoming real men/not turning into Nancy Pelosi.
Real Boy Scouts don't take doll boats -- they yacht. Trump bragged to the Scouts about his millionaire real estate developer friend who "went out and bought a big yacht." Obviously, that activity is very cost efficient and accessible for at least 7 Boy Scouts across the nation, all of whom are named Barron.
It's never to young to get started. Trump couldn't help but reveal to a bunch of children that his friend "had a very interesting life" on that boat but that he wouldn't "go any more than that, because you're Boy Scouts." Where's a better place to start practicing group sex than at your local jamboree?
Is there anything more American than building a campfire -- and anything more Trumpian than purging your enemies? Trump repeatedly stressed the importance of loyalty to the Scouts -- "we could use some more loyalty," Trump said -- but they probably thought he was talking about BFFs not the Attorney General.
Trump couldn't help but focus on what Scouts care about the most: his November victory. In fact, he spent over 300 words on it and his win, despite the fact that Hillary's emails remain uncovered.
"Do you remember that famous night on television, Nov. 8?" Trump asked.
Imagine how much more dramatic his victory would have been if the Scouts had actually done real work, aka hacked her computer and released her emails? He'd still like to see it, so get out those poles, Scouts!
Trump dove deep into his electoral college victory, generously donating 408 words of his speech to it. The president now recommends Boy Scouts use his map to get out of a forest, making sure to follow the Rust Belt states Clinton and her dumb campaign staff lost.
Trump used child-friendly phrases like "cesspool" throughout his speech to describe politics in Washington: "I said we ought to change it from the word 'swamp' to the word 'cesspool' or perhaps to the word 'sewer,'" Trump said.
It's time the Boy Scouts stopped cleaning up streets at home and came to Washington to "clean up" Senate Democrats!
President Trump repeatedly emphasized the supposedly underreported size of his crowds.
"I wonder if the television cameras will follow you? They don't doing that when they see these massive crowds," Trump said, almost coherently.
Scouts should put their trail-clearing skills to work at Trump's rallies, which tend to be packed with millions of Americans.
Jared, a 36-year-old man currently going through puberty, would love to be a Boy Scout but he's "too old" and his skills tend to be concentrated in other, more refined areas: playing harpsichord, balancing gold coins on his nose and trying not to fall down less he bleed out. The Boy Scouts should go out of their way to protect to befriend this precious child and make him a man.
TopicsDonald Trump
(责任编辑：綜合)
You can now play 'Solitaire' and 'Tic
Facebook Connect: Pay no attention to the scandal behind the curtain
Thanks, I Love It: The ‘No Way Home’ moment that made me gasp out loudFacebook Connect: Pay no attention to the scandal behind the curtain
Richard Branson 'thought he was going to die' in bike accidentCarlos Beltran made a very interesting hair choice
Apparently the Texas Rangers' Carlos Beltran is taking hair advice from another Carlos in sports --
...[详细]7 of the best presets and filters for Instagram
If you've ever been on Instagram, you know that filters are everything.Filters allow you to give a p
...[详细]Elon Musk is selling massive amounts of Tesla shares
Elon Musk takes his Twitter polls seriously. Following a poll in which he asked whether he should se
...[详细]'Resident Evil 4' for Oculus is a thrill, but it feels like less of a classic in VR
Capcom is going to keep re-releasing Resident Evil 4until long after I'm gone, and I've grown to acc
...[详细]Photos show the Blue Cut fire blazing a path of destruction in California
A fast moving wildfire continued raging near San Bernadino, California, forcing the evacuation of at
...[详细]Hinge launches voice notes and voice prompts
Single and a fan of voice notes? Great news! Hinge is launching two audio features: voice prompts an
...[详细]NFTs are disrupting the music industry. But fans aren't buying it.
In K-pop fandoms, it’s not uncommon to spend money on pieces of paper. These photocards &mdash
...[详细]Facebook Connect: Pay no attention to the scandal behind the curtain
Mark Zuckerberg wants you to be wowed. At Thursday's Facebook Connect presentation, the CEO unveiled
...[详细]Fake news reports from the Newseum are infinitely better than actual news
Actual investigative journalism: who needs it?At least, that's what some people will likely conclude
...[详细]Tropicana toothpaste review: Finally, you can drink orange juice after brushing your teeth
Few things taste worse than a mouthful of orange juice right after brushing your teeth. That tangy v
...[详细]You will love/hate Cards Against Humanity's new fortune cookies
Facebook Connect: Pay no attention to the scandal behind the curtain