SIGH. Here we go again. I feel like everywhere I turn I'm hearing the question we've all heard since the early 2000s: "Should the new Captain Spip be a woman?"
Let me explain: no, he shouldn’t. Case closed!
That's why when I, a red-blooded male, saw a news alert yesterday that Judy Dench will be the voice of Captain Spip in the new season of Biowhale Deep Space, I ripped my shirt off in the grocery store and screamed as loud as I could for 10 straight minutes.
SEE ALSO:I have drawn the Trump administration as Sonic the Hedgehog and I am ready to answer for itCaptain Spip is many things: a cunning negotiator, a brilliant space detective, a CGI whale head on a human body that solves crimes on a low end British cable network. What he is NOT is a GIRL.
I mean, what's next, Spip stops eating squid burgers? He sells the Fydget Hexter and starts flying around the universe in an old renovated Greyhound bus?? He becomes friends with the NovaEels? LOL. Absurd! That's what you sound like though, asking if Spip should be played by a woman! You sound insane! YOU. SOUND. CRAZY.
Didn't think so.Credit: mashable composite; shutterstockSometimes I, a man with hot red blood piping through his veins, like to imagine that I am Captain Spip, hurtling through the Vexxor nebula on my time traveling tandem bike, killing all the Eels in my path. I imagine that I am undercover in the belly of the bastard Kilgor's moon base, sabotaging his Umptilian core and discovering the evidence I need to put him away for all time. And now you ask me to pretend to be/empathize with a girl character who does the exact same bullshit?
That scares me in a deeply troubling away that I have been dealing with my entire life.
Look, I get it. The Biowhale Deep Space series has been through a lot of upheaval lately -- what with the departure of Brack Tillman (Cpt. Spip since 2011), the firing of showrunner Mark Whiteperson, the utter failure of the Biowhale first person shooter video game -- but changing an aspect of the show to excite a large amount of the fanbase and grant a new angle to a character who has existed since literally the first year of TV, 1927, is NOTthe solution.
If this upcoming season is for real and the new Spip is a female character it will literally destroy me. I'm not speaking hyperbolically. I will turn to vapor and wisp away into nothingness -- I will cease to be. PLEASE reconsider this.
That being said I thought the trailer looked okay, otherwise.
Thanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We're people, just like you, and we're trying our best.
TopicsDoctor Who
(责任编辑：休閑)
Darth Vader is back. Why do we still care?
'Minecraft Dungeons' aims to be more than 'baby's first Diablo'
The critical science moments of 2020 (so far)
Greta Thunberg launches open letter demanding world leaders take immediate action on climate crisis
Major earthquake and multiple aftershocks rock central ItalyDog elected for third term as mayor of Minnesota town
Hopefully he has a human chief of staff. 。Duke the Great Pyrenees is the only dog that's ever been el
...[详细]'Lord of the Rings' star Sir Ian Holm dies at 88
Sir Ian Holm, best known for his role as Bilbo Baggins in the Lord of the Ringstrilogy, has died at
...[详细]How to watch SpaceX launch its rescheduled crewed mission into space
Let's try this again.SpaceX had planned to stage a major launch on Wednesday, sending the company's
...[详细]'House of the Dragon' Season 2, episode 4: Was Aemond trying to kill Aegon?
House of the DragonSeason 2 has already had a few shocking moments, but episode 4 took things to who
...[详细]One of the most controversial power struggles in media comes to a close
One of the world's biggest media companies has been embroiled in a complex personal and professional
...[详细]Growing up with the Atari 2600, my first gaming crush
I'm 4 or 5 years old, and I'm fixated on the black garbage bag in the back of my parents' closet.My
...[详细]New 'Avatar 2' set photo shows off some high
Avatar 2has faced setback after setback in the years since the original movie first premiered in 200
...[详细]Americans don't trust social media companies to handle misinformation
Americans have trust issues, especially when it comes to information posted on social media.A poll o
...[详细]You will love/hate Cards Against Humanity's new fortune cookies
If you've ever ordered Cards Against Humanity from the delightfully corrupt board game's website, yo
...[详细]Haunted TikTok is the next evolution of internet horror
After hours of scrolling through endless TikToks of teens dancing, couples pranking each other, and
...[详细]U.S. government issues warning on McDonald's recalled wearable devices
Google Pixel adds bedtime features, safety tools to phones
